Free-writing

So I recently attended a Power of Hope camp and a common activity at such camps is free writing. Basically writing whatever comes to your head with out stopping. As one of my goals from coming back from camp was to be more creative, this is one of the ways I'm doing that. So here goes! Enjoy my mind vomit. :P

Synthesized freedom comes at too high a price because what we really want in life is hidden behind the gauze black and dark in front of our eyes. Push through push through I say, break out break free. Free from your judging mind that limits creativitivy and tells you that you can do it. Tells me that I'm not cool enough. You know what mind, fuck you ! I tore up my cool card ages ago! I can do what I want and I am one of the coolest cats I know! Rocking lines on the mic and I don't smoke the dro you know I flow so slow but passionately massivly getting ideas across but only when it needs to be said, I'm not filling the silence with nonsence that no one ever needed to hear. I'm filling it with silence broken sometimes by a thought that was well thought out. Sometimes that thought comes to slow though, after lightyears of conversation have passed and my thought ran out of gas, no longer holds the same meaning. It seems to me people are so speedy in our culture today, no time to slow down, your mind has to think fast or you get left behind. Schools with timed tests, which test only one small part of your brain, that's not intelligence, that's ignorance. Some of the greatest minds in history didn't test well. So you best tell the leaders of our institutions to start rethinking the structure. What if we could incorporate love into the curriculum leading youth to become powerful positive people posing problems for people who pass judgement on the less fortunate people in life. Now that'd be fresh.

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Started out playing: Royksopp - Eple
Now playing: Rjd2 - 2 More Dead
via FoxyTunes

COMPLETEly Forgot

This very well may have been THE scariest moment in my life so far.

Have you ever had it happen where you completely forgot something? And I'm not talking about, "Oh I'm so so sorry I like completely forgot our little get together, my bad." I'm talking about where there was something that someone reminded you of and you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. This just happened to me.

Tonight, we had dinner, and it was a fairly pleasant one at that. Then afterward we are all hanging around, my mom, my brother, and I, and my mom mentions to me, "Ahren, it's Friday night, it's your dishes night." I quickly retorted back, "No it's not, Tuesday's my dishes night." She replied, "Yes, Tuesday and Friday." I didn't know what to say except, "No, my dishes night is Tuesday and then I wash dishes on Sunday morning as well." It was then that my brother chimed in, "No, Ahren, I know you do dishes on Friday because when you started doing dishes on Friday, I switched dishes to Thursday night."

Now sometimes it'll happen where I will forget something and then be reminded of it and then remember or sometimes I will forget something, be reminded about it and vaguely remember what they are talking about. Never have I had an experience, until now, where I was told something and didn't have a clue what the person was talking about. At first, I was confused, then defensive and then I became scared. What is happening to my mind? Is this some sort of sick joke? Are they just trying to get me to do more chores? Out of everything in my body one of the things I value the most is my brain and my intelligence and I've always had a great sense of memory albeit sometimes selective though. This time was not one of those. I have racked my mind over and over and over again trying to remember just the tiniest tidbit, word, even feeling, memory, anything! but I have no recollection of doing my regular dishes on a Friday night.

In all honesty, I'm scared. I don't know what is happening to me or if it's normal. My mom and brother tell me it is but this has never happened to me before. I've always been able to remember something even if it was just a sense of the notion. This is the first time I have drawn a total blank and it scares me so much.

I want a comfort hug.
:'(