Friday, March 20, 2009


This very well may have been THE scariest moment in my life so far.

Have you ever had it happen where you completely forgot something? And I'm not talking about, "Oh I'm so so sorry I like completely forgot our little get together, my bad." I'm talking about where there was something that someone reminded you of and you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. This just happened to me.

Tonight, we had dinner, and it was a fairly pleasant one at that. Then afterward we are all hanging around, my mom, my brother, and I, and my mom mentions to me, "Ahren, it's Friday night, it's your dishes night." I quickly retorted back, "No it's not, Tuesday's my dishes night." She replied, "Yes, Tuesday and Friday." I didn't know what to say except, "No, my dishes night is Tuesday and then I wash dishes on Sunday morning as well." It was then that my brother chimed in, "No, Ahren, I know you do dishes on Friday because when you started doing dishes on Friday, I switched dishes to Thursday night."

Now sometimes it'll happen where I will forget something and then be reminded of it and then remember or sometimes I will forget something, be reminded about it and vaguely remember what they are talking about. Never have I had an experience, until now, where I was told something and didn't have a clue what the person was talking about. At first, I was confused, then defensive and then I became scared. What is happening to my mind? Is this some sort of sick joke? Are they just trying to get me to do more chores? Out of everything in my body one of the things I value the most is my brain and my intelligence and I've always had a great sense of memory albeit sometimes selective though. This time was not one of those. I have racked my mind over and over and over again trying to remember just the tiniest tidbit, word, even feeling, memory, anything! but I have no recollection of doing my regular dishes on a Friday night.

In all honesty, I'm scared. I don't know what is happening to me or if it's normal. My mom and brother tell me it is but this has never happened to me before. I've always been able to remember something even if it was just a sense of the notion. This is the first time I have drawn a total blank and it scares me so much.

I want a comfort hug.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Random Writings

There is a technique in writing called free writing. The concept is that you start writing and don't stop let anything stopyou  no matter what (not editing or anything, just letting thoughts flow through your brain onto the paper) until you are done. (you can do it for a timed period or not). I recently was inspired by a wonderful person to write a bit, as he posted a beautifully written blog about writing. I ended up writing this. It's not too spectacular but it's something. Enjoy.

A yawn, a sigh, and "I wish you were here". The world is much to lonely of a place. Companionship and friendship is a force that keeps people alive. We need to be able to live together and love one another. I feel like life is this thing, this thing that is delicate and yet so solid. It's taken for granted. One day we will open up like blossom full of light. Intricate petals with drops of rain creating radiant sparkles in the sun. I long to be that flower giving joy to a small toddler who marvels in wonder at the beauty. The child's eyes reflecting it's image and it's radiance. Marvelous beings these children are who see the world with out judgment or bias. And when the only way to hurt a child is to not hold them, it makes you wonder how hurt we are from day to day. It's one of the reasons I love free hugs. We are able to give people touch in a healthy way, something that so many people are missing in their lives.